Reasons for divorce
I can’t believe I am going to write this. I am going to discuss your reasons for divorce. Who am I to tell you that your marriage is over or coming to an end? I am the person who hears the same excuses. He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t make time for me anymore. I am the person that heard you say “He completes me at your wedding.” I am also the person that is going to tell you why if you do not change your approach you will be in divorce court.
A relationship is a job. It is not a fairytale. It isn’t the beginning of your life and it isn’t the end. It doesn’t matter how much time you put into if you are only taking instead of giving or giving instead of taking. A relationship isn’t about keeping score its about keeping it together. The relationship you are in needs work it will take more effort than you have ever put into anything else before in your life. It is just as easy to fall into love as it is to fall out of love. You need to decide if you are willing to do the work. You need to decide if you are willing to give more than you may take. You need to start with addressing the issues.
The three issues I see that will lead to your divorced soon if not corrected are:
1) You complain all the time. You complain about everything from shoes being left out to he or she doesn’t pay any attention to you. The truth is no one wants to be around a complainer. Do you like to hear about everything you are doing wrong? Do you like it when someone whines in your ear all day? I doubt it! Focus on being positive think about what matters. I try to be the change I want to see. I believe people learn from example. If I want my husband to be more romantic than I do more romantic things. I will text him notes, pack him a lunch, write him a letter, arrange a night out, and I will tell him I need to spend more time with him. What I will not do is be mad at him because I think he should know things that I haven’t told him. I have a great husband but he isn’t a mind reader.
2) You aren’t happy with yourself. You are to “something” whether it is heavy, tall, short, bored, uneducated, over educated, stressed, bored, busy, un fulfilled. You just aren’t happy. There isn’t anyone who can make you happy other than yourself. That is the truth. There are people in your life that by being around them it contributes to you feeling happy but unless you determine what makes you happy and you seek that happiness you aren’t going to be happy. I would also like to remind you that being “happy” all the time isn’t an available option. There are very few people who are happy all time and most of them are not doing something legal. You need to determine what is making you so “unhappy” and fix it. It is most likely your view or your problem. That means if you are unhappy you are not being adored share your feelings and give your partner suggestions on what that looks like. If you are unhappy that someone is lying to you then draw your line in the sand. You either accept that you are with a liar or walk away. You have to decide what you are willing to accept and take action.
3) You seek mind reading services. “He or she should know this already” comes out of your mouth all the time. The truth is you didn’t marry a psychic and they do not know what you are thinking. Lets be honest you rarely know what you are thinking. You may think something for a moment and then change your mind and think something different. Clearly you aren’t thinking if you think they know. I used to get angry when my husband came home and sat on the couch. Chaos doesn’t even begin to describe 5:30 pm at our house. I am a WAHM and we have three kids. I would make dinner and have it ready. He would sit on the couch. The kids were practically hanging off the ceiling fans. I was hanging on a short rope and he needed to relax after work. I think not. I told him he needed to help. He told me doing what? I rolled my eyes and gave him a list of one million things that were a better option than doing sitting on the couch. I told him I honestly wanted to throw something at him because his sitting on the couch while I tried to manage everything made me that angry. He knows I have a good arm so he wasn’t amused. We did however agree that I would make a list of what needed to be done and he would pick things off the list. We no longer have that issue I just handle everything and when dinner is over I walk away and go take a bath. He does the rest. We came up with an action plan that works for our family.
You see if you do not take action and control your own destiny no one is going to do it for you. There isn’t a perfect person and you need to learn to love the imperfections of yourself in order to, love the imperfections of your partner. You need to be the change the person who is engaged and you need to figure out the currency that works to get your partner engaged. I know that my husband loves to exercise with the family and go on long walks. It isn’t something that floats my boat but I go on the walks because it makes him happy and that makes me happy. I want you to make a decision to try to communicate. Communicate in a way that doesn’t place blame. Share the reasons behind your objections but do not say this is your fault. It isn’t we must accept responsibility for our part in a relationship before we can find fault in others. There isn’t a person on Earth who completes you. You are complete just as you are. You are perfectly you. It is your duty to your partner to help them understand and implement what you need.