When Sex Isn’t Private: Ten tips to block out loud sex

When Sex Isn’t Private: Ten tips to block out loud sex

 

What do you do when you are stuck in a room next to people that are loud fornicators? This recently happened to me but I was too tired to respond the way I wanted to. If I had it to do over again this is what I would have done. I think I should first note that hotel walls are thin. That using whips and chains is not exciting to your neighbors and those pet names although personable should not be used in a hotel room. I am forever scared by “Oh hunk, my hunk, hunk.” I think that is what she was screaming it was a bit muffled by my embarrassment and complete shock and the banging of the headboard also obstructed my ability to clearly identify the participant’s namesakes.

When Sex Isn’t Private: Ten tips to block out loud sex 

If I was in this position again this is what I would have done:

1)   Open up my door and bang on theirs while shouting “home run” before they opened the door. I would quietly closely my door and pretending that I was asleep.

2)   I would have called next store and offered detailed instructions as to what it was that she liked. “ Hey, Hunk the feedback was more to the left and a little harder.”

3)   I would have slipped a note under the door with a report card in excellence of handling “Hunk”.

4)   I would have ordered them bottled water from room service. They must be thirsty right?

5)   I would have chimed in with a round of loud applause from our adjoining balcony. I think it is important to recognize people after a performance.

6)   I would have liked to taken streamers and weave them across the door . Inside of the streamers I would have like to placed blown up condoms. This would allow the condoms to meet the couple when they open their door.

7)   I should have reported the noise to the front desk and allowed them to deal with it. I mean customer service is their job and I wasn’t being serviced.

8)   I could have done what anyone good citizen should do is bang on the wall shouting, “Is everyone all right in there.” Should I call the police? I would have done so at the top of my lungs until the entire floor was also worried?

9) I could have turned on my TV to Elmo and blasted Elmo’s world. That kills the mood every time. I am positive this would have worked or MOM what is daddy doing to you? That would also work.

10) The final resolution that I would suggest is easy just mimic them. If you think about nothing is more annoying then hearing yourself or seeing yourself.

I am sure you are wondering what I actually did. I actually placed the pillow over my head. I shut my eyes. I put on my white noise on my iPhone and I went to sleep. I had been traveling for 26 hours because of a United Airline’s Disaster and I wasn’t remotely interested in being part of the experience next store. The next day I did share what happened next store with my friends and we came up with these fail -safe resolution to the loud fornicators.

Topic: Ten tips to block out loud sex